Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
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