PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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