Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
