I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If that was your dad, he is hot
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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