so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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