I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
