when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize