I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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