I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
