I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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