Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
