wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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