He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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