just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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