I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
