my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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