i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
