How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
