you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
