You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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