The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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