it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
