Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
