i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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