remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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