Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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