Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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