I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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