Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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