Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
