he referred to my room as the tit cave...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
