you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
