i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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