haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize