i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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