Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize