There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
