I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
