He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
