Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
