So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
