Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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