My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
