She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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