Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
