she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
