Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
