Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
