ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
