Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
