Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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