I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
