I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
