plz talk dirty to me
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
