Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
