so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
