Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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