it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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