And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
