So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
