A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
