we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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