i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
