I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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