the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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