I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
