see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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