loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize