Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
