why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
