Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
